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The_Learning_Curve_by_Rubus65

    The Learning Curve by ~Rubus65

The following is in response to our post “We’re No Good.” A very good friend of Cathie’s gave permission for us to use her emails as this event is sure to be a learning tool to others with D.I.D., family and friends.

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From: Cathie’s Friend (Name Not Disclosed For Privacy)
To: The Others
Sent: Wednesday, February 25, 2009 2:32:59 PM
Subject: Listen up!

To the Others,

Okay, I’ve had enough! STOP BEING SO MEAN TO CATHIE! No wonder she tries to deny your existence sometimes, you guys can be real assholes. She needs your support, not your insults. If it wasn’t for her you wouldn’t be here. You all need to work together and try some positive reinforcement because whatever is happening right now is obviously not working. So she didn’t come to the meeting? So fucking what? Schedule another one, big deal! Keep scheduling them until she comes. She is trying really hard to do the best she can with the life she’s got and I don’t think she can do that without you guys behind her. I realize she may not have treated you the way you would like to be treated in the past but IT’S TIME TO SUCK IT UP! How about this, treat her the way you would like to be treated and I bet you that good things will start to happen. I’m sorry if you are pissed off at me for this, but you know what? Too bad! You all need to work together now and move forward.

Sincerely,

Cathie’s Friend (Name Not Disclosed For Privacy)

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From: The Others

To: Cathie’s Friend (Name Not Disclosed For Privacy)

Sent: Thursday, February 26, 2009 1:33 AM

Subject: Re: Listen up!

Hello Cathie’s Friend,

My goodness, if we had a friend like you, we’d have no enemies! It’s really good Cathie has you.

It has taken us all night to respond in order to allow those who were angry or crying to calm down so the reply would come from our wise mind. We can see that you have a kind heart as we’ve never seen you be cruel to anyone. With that in mind, it was used as a reminder for the children and teens which helped them lower the intensity of their emotions. The adults thought you might be trying a tough love approach which does not work so well with alters whose entire existence was always one of tough love, without the love.

You had some valid points about regarding our behaviour:

  • we can be mean to Cathie
  • we can throw insults at her
  • we do need to work together
  • Cathie cannot have the life she wants without our co-operation
  • treat Cathie the way we would like to be treated

Actually, these points could well apply to Cathie as well. When she ingests numerous ativan, gravol, tylenol it numbs us, leaving us trapped in our concrete little rooms that hold only a small bed, and this doesn’t give us the opportunity to sit in the wood theatre chairs to watch what is happening outside. When she denies our existence, it is a stab in our being because we kept her away from so much pain. We also cannot have the life we want with Cathie’s co-operatiaon. As you can see, there is much work to be done with all of us, including Cathie.

One thing we definitely did not agree with was the point that without Cathie we would not be here. Actually, if it wasn’t for us in removing Cathie from the horrific abuses, she would have died as we did things that are reprehensible to save her life. We would prefer not to be here because we don’t have our own bodies, we live in a dark, damp concrete environment and we would not have had to endure so much physical and emotional pain when Cathie was little.

Just a gentle reminder that when you address everyone, you are talking to toddlers, children, tweens, teens and adults. This is very important as the young ones were crying, believing they were really bad. It has been eight years since any sense of teamwork has occurred between Cathie and all of us. The main reason for this is that Cathie had been taking so many medications that we were muted and Cathie was so angry with us for actually pushing forward with the suicide attempt.

As a result, the once safe interior is now one of sorrow, rage, pain, dark, grey and cold. So, there was frustration on both sides. We are at a place where we were about 15 years ago when it was chaos, anger, no co-operation etc. It is through this blog that we will be able to iron out the differences, get angry with one another (might not be in the most constructive manner, but that will be dealt with amongst ourselves and Cathie) and hopefully, learn to accept each other and encourage healing amongst one and all. The most important thing is that dialogue occur only amongst Cathie and ourselves with relation to how our system is functioning. We’ve made our blog public in order to educate people on what it is "truly" like for all of us, the good times and bad, and more importantly, how we will learn to work co-operatively.

Now, although your email did cause some distress, it also acted as a catalyst for us to look at what held truth in your email. We thank you for that.

We would like your permission to publish your letter on our blog with our reply as we feel it would be very helpful for us, Cathie and other people with D.I.D. and their families/friends. We would not use your name to protect your privacy.

Sincerely,
Elisabeth, on behalf of everyone within.

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From: Cathie’s Friend

To: The Others
Sent: Thursday, February 26, 2009 7:43:05 AM
Subject: Re: Listen up!

Hello Elisabeth and Everyone,

Thank you for your response. Upon rereading my note to you I realized I did sound harsh and I am sorry for that. I really wasn’t thinking of the little ones and how they might feel and that was wrong. I had been reading the blogs and talking to Cathie and all I could hear was how much pain she is in and I just kind of snapped, mostly because I was worried that she might do something drastic and I got scared. My heart aches for the pain that all of you had to go through and I hope that you can all work together to be happy. If there is anything I can do to help just let me know.

Sincerely,

Cathie’s Friend

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From: The Others
To: Cathie’s Friend
Sent: Thursday, February 26, 2009 9:54:13 PM
Subject: hi

Hello again Cathie’s Friend,

Thank you for your reply. It truly meant a lot to us. You, just being yourself, is all we need. We are so very grateful to have you in our life.

Have you considered our request to use your letter in our blog? See below where we’ve highlighted the information. Can you let us know? Thank you.

Elisabeth, on behalf of those within

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